The thing about being an imaginary adult, is that I have this ID that says I am, in fact, legally one. It gets a little sketchy when I am invited to do adult things. Such as drinking. I think there should be some definite signs in these situations that someone is not an adult, they only look like one. Some examples, by locations:
Liquor store
Don't get carded as soon as you walk into the liquor store. I've been over 21 for a minute now and the last time I went in there the guy looked at me, and let me browse without carding me immediately upon entering the store. I welled up with pride at my victory!! Then my mom called and my purse starts blaring the Harry Potter theme song. Got carded right there and then.
Don't answer your phone "MOOOMMMMMM, you're getting me caaaarded at the liquor stoooore!!!!" at the liquor store.
Don't drive your liquor store purchase over to your brother's place of employment, hand it to your brother's boss and tell them you're just dropping off his lunch.
Las Vegas
Don't go to Las Vegas. Ever. That place is meant for the real big kids. You cannot handle drinking that much and sleeping that little. Besides. The creeps can smell your naivety. Before you know it you are standing on some ledge throwing money. You don't speak creep honey, get down from there.
"I just had a margarita with a Guinness float out of a mason jar"
"why?!"
"It seemed like a good idea at the time" #vegas
Don't order a mimosa and a smallish bump of coke for breakfast as a joke. It's Las Vegas, and you get what you ask for.
Weddings
Don't get drunk at a wedding reception, feel sad about being dateless and then marry a guy in the wedding party.
"Wait, what is my new last name?!?!"
It only makes future events between you, le boyfriend and said guy awkward.
"Hello, this is le boyfriend, le boyfriend this, is my husband. "
I mean, when you're are all having dinner together and you comment that you did not grab a napkin, they are gonna stand up at the same time to get you one and then shit's gonna get real weird.
Plus interstate annulments are hard. This gem should also be remembered in the Vegas category for friends who marry cab drivers. Lookin at you Sasha. Lookin at you.
Life au general
Don't accept the next round "on the house" from your favorite restaurant.You're a lightweight, and when they are buying the drinks it's a sign you have already had enough.
Don't try to high jump that hotel marquee. Just don't.
Don't explain why you keep flashlights in the kitchen after you have had a glass of wine. Emergency preparedness? I hadn't thought of that....
