Snoop Dog and the introduction of MJ

By now, I am sure that you have all heard the life changing news. The news that Snoop Dogg, fresh off a rasta inspired chronic induced series of bad decisions has decided to fuck with my life in a way that is probably indescribable to the average lay person. Not you all of course, having the sneaky inside scoop on my life and secrets. But there it was. I open up my web browser one Monday morning and an article pops up- Snoop Dogg changes his name.
To Snoop Lion.
 Leaving me with this face.

Are you fucking serious Snoop? After all the shit you put me through? I mean, rapping about my everyday life in real time, which oftentimes results in me repeating what you are saying and getting me in MASSIVE amounts of trouble in the workplace. Because Snoop speech doesn't belong in the office. Because when I'm speaking with an associate and I absently repeat Snoop in the corner saying I have to get off the phone to eat my motherfucking lunch people are NOT impressed. Then they are definitely going to bring it up later in court, because people are assholes. And now Snoop, so are you.

Listen, it's not personal. I am just not good with change. I have a brother who had been called by his middle name until he hit middle school, then all of a sudden wanted to be called by his first name. Not happening. He is twenty fucking three now and I'm still not going for it. I got news for you homie, your first name is stupid. That's why we called you by your middle name. Same problem here but in reverse Snoop. What in the fuck rhymes with lion?

In other, less angry news, it is time to introduce Michael Jackson. Well, it is not actually Michael Jackson. But his initials are MJ. I am pretty sure he will rise to the same level of fame as Michael Jackson though, due to the publicity this thing gets.  I know I drew pictures of my other friends, but I am not going to draw a picture of my friend MJ.
 Because it would look really racist.
 If you need a visual just picture Shaft. It is semi relevant because my friend MJ is a cop. A super bad ass one. He pretty much fights crime, shoots bad motherfuckers and takes names. Like all officers, he does take the occasional nap and does enjoy pastries (of the doughnut variety) but mostly he is chasing criminals and hanging upside down to kiss Elizabeth, Spider-man style. I know what you guys are thinking, but Elizabeth just had a baby! Yeah, it's because that Spidey cop got her pregnant! I mean, he wooed her like 5 years and married her first.  But MJ is Elizabeth's husband. MJ is like a brother to me, a bad ass brother with a piece who didn't ask me to start calling him by another name after 12 years or so (looking at you Daylin, lookin at you). We have fun talking about life in the day, back when we had to cook everything with rice and eat our meals without drinks before getting bit by radioactive spiders and fighting crime. Now you can get off my ass MJ. You're welcome.




And I leave you with this picture of baby dog, helping write this blog.